Relationship Spotlight: Lai Yiu-fai & Ho Po-wing (Happy Together)

Rather like Adam and Nina from Bright Young Things, Fai and Po-wing are most interesting in how they don’t work as a couple.  The effect here, however, is quite different.  While Nina and Adam’s big problem is that they’re too immature to commit in the way that they need to, these two are perhaps too committed, too invested in a relationship they’d be better off without.  (Some spoilers.)

I don’t want to say that things are a constant struggle whenever Po-wing and Fai are on-again.  It’s not.  They have quiet, genuine “happy together” moments – dancing, sex, nodding off in the back of a taxi.  Little glimpses of perfection that help maintain the pull that keeps bringing them back towards each other.  It’s harder to tell with Po-wing, since a) he’s really not a focal-point character, and b) he seems to vibe on tumult, but in these rare, contented scenes, I’d say Fai wonders why they can’t be like this all the time.

But these glimpse are just that – glimpses.  The vast majority of the time, it’s fighting (verbal/physical) and mistrust and broken promises and tantrums and passive-aggressive power plays.  Po-wing walks all over Fai, knowing that, no matter how vehemently Fai breaks ties with him, they’ll fall right back into their old routines if Po-wing can hook Fai again.  And hook him he does.  Po-wing turns on the charm, he showers Fai with presents, and he insists on intimacy.  He uses his turbulent living to his advantage, counting on Fai’s sympathy, care, and resources whenever his (Po-wing’s) reckless ways get him hurt or in trouble.

And so Fai takes him back.  And so they restart the cycle.  Po-wing’s sweet talk, affection, and helplessness never last for long.  It’s just a matter of time before he grows restless and his eye starts wandering.  He’s soon back to taking Fai for granted, criticizing him and bringing chaos to both their lives.  As for Fai, he’s quickly up to his old ways of jealousy and suspicion, calling Po-wing out for inconsideration but generally rolling over in the end.  I know it makes Fai feel pretty miserable – he’s resentful of how Po-wing treats him, and he’s disappointed in himself for taking it.  Again, I’m less sure of Po-wing’s reaction to it, but I can’t imagine it’s all that good for him, either.  I think Fai can make him feel penned in – I could see Po-wing being annoyed that the term “old ball and chain” was already coined in reference to one’s partner, because he probably thinks he should’ve come up with it as a description of Fai.

Despite the sniping, animosity, and overall distress, though, there’s such a tug between them, an unwillingness to fully go their separate ways.  Po-wing has a frequent too-cool vibe, insinuating that Fai is totally beneath him and he could do so much better.  And yet, when he’s in trouble, it’s Fai that he goes to, Fai that he clings to.  And while, in the main thread of their story that we see, Fai starts out very resistant to letting Po-wing back in, he quickly loses all sense of proportion despite himself.  Even as he sets up rules to keep Po-wing at arms’ length (ie, not sleeping in the same bed,) he takes and hides Po-wing’s passport because he’s afraid Po-wing will leave Argentina and, by extension, Fai.  Po-wing is frequently awful to Fai, but that’s horrible, too.  Even before you factor in all the dysfunction and insecurity that must permeate their relationship for Fai to do something like that, there’s still the basic fact that Po-wing is an adult who can leave if he wants to.  It’s like they’re each other’s drug.  Openly acknowledged or not, they both know the relationship is bad for them, but they just can’t let go.